From The Chester Witches Show Tunes Album

Meet Pickles — ancient, unimpressed, and absolutely running the coven.

The Witch’s Cat is a sharp-tongued, theatrical alt-folk anthem packed with dry British humour, swaggering spoken lines, and a chorus that claws its way straight into your head. With dramatic “ahhhh” vocals, call-and-response moments, and a faster second-chorus switch-up, this track feels like musical theatre collided with sarcastic indie pop… and the cat won.

From dodgy summoning circles to sneezing in potions and “quietly sorting your fate with grace,” Pickles delivers pure feline superiority with impeccable timing. Featuring appearances from Granny Wren and the wider witchy household, the song builds through cheeky verses and lands on a full-cast finale that practically demands to be performed live.

The Witch's Cat Lyrics

Ahhhhh, ahhhhh, ahhhhhhh, 

[Verse 1]
I was summoned by a circle drawn wrong,
Candles crooked, vibes off key,
You want a clap for that dodgy chant, mate?
No. Don’t look at me.
I’ve lived through plagues and power cuts,
Watched empires spill their tea,
So forgive me if I’m not impressed
By your “beginner’s alchemy.”

[Pre-Chorus]
I don’t meow, I don’t beg, I don’t care,
I observe… then judge… from the stair.

[Chorus]
(Ahhhh) Pickles, Pickles, the witch’s cat, (ooooh)
Unimpressed, imagine that, (huh!)
Never meows, just judges back, 
(Ahhhh) Pickles, Pickles, the witch’s cat.
[faster] Pickles, Pickles, the witch’s cat,
Takes no messin’
Doesn’t faff around
Pickles, Pickles, the witch’s cat. 

Hummmm, Huh!

[Verse 2]
You say “Who’s a good boy?” Nah mate, that’s just wrong,
Titles are earned, don’t chat that song,
You pet without consent? Bold choice, brave soul,
Enjoy the curse of inconvenient mold.
I kip on grimoires, I sneeze in your brew,
Knock over fate with me tail mate, because I don’t answer to you
You call it chaos, I call it planned
I ruin your preparations right on demand. (Ha! Ha! Ha!)

[Pre-Chorus]
I don’t bite, I don’t claw, I don’t give chase,
I just quietly sort your fate with grace.

[Chorus]
(Ahhhh) Pickles, Pickles, the witch’s cat, (ooooh)
Unimpressed, imagine that, (huh!)
Never meows, just judges back, 
(Ahhhh) Pickles, Pickles, the witch’s cat.
[faster] Pickles, Pickles, the witch’s cat,
Takes no messin’
Doesn’t faff around
Pickles, Pickles, the witch’s cat. 

Hummmm, Huh!

[Bridge]
Huh! 
I have standards!
I have taste!
I’ve outlived three witches named Grace!
If you want my respect, here’s a clue
Don’t summon demons in the living room

[Male voice] Yeah?

[Verse 3]
Granny Wren, Malcolm, and Clarabelle too,
Then there’s Winona, I don’t know who to answer to.
They shout my name, they call, they plead,
But I’ve got me own plans, I do as I please.
I tilt me ‘ead, I blink, I scoff,
Ignore them all and wander off.
They think they boss me, but here’s me trick:
I answer to no one… and find a paw to lick.

[Final Chorus]
(Ahhhh) Pickles, Pickles, the witch’s cat, (ooooh)
Unimpressed, imagine that, (huh!)
Never meows, just judges back, 
(Ahhhh) Pickles, Pickles, the witch’s cat.
[faster] Pickles, Pickles, the witch’s cat,
Takes no messin’
Doesn’t faff around
Pickles, Pickles, the witch’s cat. 

What do yeh think about that then mate?
Hummmm, Huh!

[Male and female chorus / Cat like frustration] Ahhhhh
Ahhhhh, ahhhhh, ahhhhhhh,